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kaitlyn888 [userpic]


August 31st, 2008 (12:48 pm)

It is my first week of college, and I am already looking for a way out. It isn't the fact that I'm lonely or don't have any friends, or even the fact that classes are too easy or too hard. The thing is that I am always looking for something new to discover both physically and academically and it seems that I'm not discovering new things as fast as I thought I would here.
But life is full of unlearned lessons waiting to be picked up like on Mario when you bump into golden coins and get extra points.
But are they all meant to be discovered? Is life designed so that the one who discovers the most "gold" by the end of their life wins? And by winning, I mean dying happy. But what is happiness? Is it found in money, truth, or reason? Or neither? What defines the genuity/ingenuity of one's character in the end of their life?
I guess it is all to be discovered. Or to be hidden. Who knows.
We, as humans, are not God, and therefore we have the drive to search for answers as best we can with the ignorance we are given so that when we die our minds are filled to the fullest extent with the knowledge of the world.
Riding my bike leisurely through downtown Greeley, Colorado was an adventure this morning. As I passed the Cocinero en el centro, an old latino man kindly waved at me and said "Hola." The smile that beamed from his face to my face was once of complete satisfaction and happiness. I'm not sure if he was so happy because he was about to entre el Cocinero and get his belly full or if it was because he was truly a happy person. I believe that man knew what it was like to enjoy life and everything in it, even the little things.
As I rode my bike toward the more modern, English part of downtown, I thought about the aura that man had and began to feel selfish. I had been whining to myself about how unhappy I was in this town because there was nothing to discover or learn and then that man smiled at me and I realized how much he enjoyed just living. I'm trying to decide if it was more selfish of me to whine or to be jealous of the man who was not whining.
Basically, lesson learned: there is life to be discovered everywhere and in every season.

kaitlyn888 [userpic]


May 11th, 2008 (07:03 pm)

is not bliss.

kaitlyn888 [userpic]


April 9th, 2008 (05:28 pm)

The so dreaded idea of making a plan is so underrated. Yes, ridiculous sentence. I know. 

I know that once you step outside your parents' house and into the world, you will be vulnerable. And the world is a self-centered world, its influence so powerful. What is going to keep you back from being self-reliant, self-centered, and self-obsessive once you are immersed into this beautiful world of lies--lies that it's all about you? The world is so corrupted and twisted, but it is so alluring to the eye. All around you, all the time. 

What concern will you have for your integrity once you find yourself in the dead center of it all? Will you experience everything until you find what fits? Will your motives change for better or for world? 

Will you die with honor or greed? It's one or the other. And yes, one can change one's own destiny, but the years ahead are crucial years. They will set a standard for the rest of your adult life, as your childhood affects you--whether you like it or not--for THE rest of your life. 

So...be smart. Know where the line is and draw it three times. Boundaries are good, as is experience. Find a balance. 
And stay standing.


(speech to myself for the day)

kaitlyn888 [userpic]


April 7th, 2008 (05:06 pm)

I am so relieved that I finally FINALLY have got the chance to go less in debt than initially planned. I applied for the pulp scholarship and turned in my application in March. 
I was called to the principal's office today, along with Sig and Hayley. Thad Poulson and John Holst were standing in the office, as well as James Poulson in the corner with his camera. We were going to be in the paper.
And I had thought I was in trouble for some reason. 
Wayne shut the door, and they told us: we were the three recipients of the Alaska Pulp Scholarship, a scholarship worth $10,000 dollars ($2,500 a year renewable).

I can't even believe it. I am so shocked and relieved at the same time. Wow. Wow. Wow.

All we could say between our pearly whites without screaming was 'thank you'. Yes!


kaitlyn888 [userpic]


March 31st, 2008 (08:56 pm)

I have decided-after being rejected by two other colleges-that University of Northern Colorado will be my home for at least the 2008-09 academic year.

I signed up for housing today, paid the housing deposit, and filled out the roommate survey.

I think there are probably a good handful of songs about questions running through minds. Who cares. I took the idea and wrote a song. My best friend would call it depressing, but I call it contemplative. Minor chords don't necessarily create negative tension, just dissinance.

So there are billions of questions running through my mind right now, which is, as I have read and heard, quite normal. I had it all figured out, and then I realized that I don't know at all what I want to do. But who really does?

I guess as long as we know who we are and are comfortable with that throughout each day, it doesn't matter what we're doing. I mean...not if we're starving on the streets of Harlem. I guess that's cool, though, if that's where you're happy, but I don't think many people would be content to be living there. Like that, at least.

Heart of Darkness was perfectly placed in the Honor's syllabus for this semester. It's got great quotes. Food for thought.

Questions. Thoughts. Propaganda? What?

kaitlyn888 [userpic]


March 26th, 2008 (08:52 pm)
current song: Worn Me Down -Rachael Yamagata

This year, 2008, is already 1/4 of the way done. It's horrible to think that, because I feel like I've wasted so much time in the past three months doing nothing and being lazy and selfish, like other seniors have. Disappointment shouldn't be my friend, but, sadly, it is today.

How do you avoid self-disappointment? How does one approach such a situation humbly and without feeling guilty about whatever it was (in other words: an unselfish approach)? 
Humility is a quality I respect, but I don't have it. 

8.5 weeks.

kaitlyn888 [userpic]


March 7th, 2008 (11:26 pm)

 Unprecedented (every/anything) will befall (every/anyone) who do/es not follow the trends. 
Something I've been pondering, with various fill-in-the-blanks.

kaitlyn888 [userpic]

Epiphany of Paralysis.

March 6th, 2008 (10:01 pm)

Gazing on her reflection in the mirror, she grimaced at her slender, weak frame. Her hair had thinned and her eyes had become a dull gray color. She had never known that her emotional pain could have caused her body to weaken so quickly. 

It all began with an epiphany. She had been with a man for three and a half years, and they were engaged to be married. They were perfectly perfect in every way, though, they had begun to fight more and more as the wedding date approached. Their love had not grown stagnant, but the fact that the fights were becoming more frequent alarmed her.
She spent many nights awake in her bed thinking about their relationship and wondering if it would work in a country where love and betrayal went hand in hand. 
Divorce was normal.
True love didn't exist.
Marriage had no value, no honor. 
So one night, she decided that she would be better off to do without. She broke it off with her fiancee. He didn't understand, but she wouldn't explain to him why. She coudln't.

Five and a half months later found her frail and weak standing in front of a mirror. The life was drained out of her and she looked pitiful. It took all the energy in her to just sigh and close her eyes.

"A life without love is no life at all."

"Love is not love without risk."

kaitlyn888 [userpic]


March 1st, 2008 (10:15 pm)

What's in a name?

kaitlyn888 [userpic]


February 27th, 2008 (05:42 pm)

 I've evolved from the month-long haul of temerariousness to a hopefully-longer-than-just-a-month haul of drive. I am driven, and I am determined. My mind is set and nothing will stop me. 
Time has been on my mind. It's been a good time. In my mind. Things are coming together, and I'm starting to chug along again. It feels good. 
A strong, successful, independent woman, who can find? For her wealth is far above jewels. She looks well to the ways of her education and career. Her friends and co-workers rise up and complement (yes, with an E) her, saying, "Wow! She's pretty cool!"
I know I just twisted the Bible, but it could be worse. 
Even if it comes to the point of desperate dedication, a ridiculous consecration, a sold out, whole-hearted lifeaholic situation, I'm willing to take the risk. This risk being...being called these (not practical, yes, i know) or thought of this way. I know it sounds like a crime because the people that actually do get called these are talked about and widely known. Oh no. 

I kind of want to be one of those people. One of those people....
Not popular or reknowned for anything but temerarious sold-out-ness to life.

Yeah, my adjectives aren't hot today. Sorry, reader.
(and I conclude).

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